The common sense on how to get back on track – or help someone else to
By: Bill Zolis
When I’m talking to someone about work, and they say something like, “I have a problem. I’m worried sick about all the jobs and tasks and uncertainties and contradictions hanging over my head, and I just can’t cope,” the first thing I think is, “Been there, done that.”
Then I tell them, “You don’t have a problem. You have two problems, and if you look the first problem squarely in the face, the second problem can easily be cut down to size in pieces that you can knock off one by one.”
The first problem is not any of the stuff hanging over your head. The first problem is the fact that you’re worried sick about it. It’s called anxiety.
In the normal course of work and life, let’s face it, we all have times when we’re worried – anxious – about the challenges of work and life that we face at any given time. Usually, it’s a great motivator that drives us to think harder, work harder, talk to people, get help, deal with the pressure and move on.
But sometimes, for whatever reasons, all the big and small stressors build up to a point where the anxiety crosses the line, ceases to be a motivator and becomes the problem itself – a problem that has us pulling out our hair, running around in circles and getting nowhere fast.
The second problem is, in fact, all the jobs and tasks and problems that seem to be beyond solution. Which, of course, none of them are. I can’t tell you how to deal with them – but you can. It’s your life and your job, and you know better than anyone how to do your job – if we can persuade you to stop worrying, focus, and get busy dealing with one thing at a time.
Now, here’s the thing, though. What I’m saying here is nothing new. It’s what I’ve learned after many years at work, what I’ve heard at I-don’t-know-how-many sessions and presentations, what I’ve read about stress and anxiety at work and, well, common sense.
But when you’re face to face with someone who’s struggling, and you tell them all this, they generally don’t say, “Hey, wow, yeah! I see what you’re saying! I’ll get right on it! Thanks!”
No. They’ll tell you, “No, no, no, you don’t understand. These problems are way bigger than you think. No one seems to understand how bad it is. Every road I go down hits a dead end. Every solution I try hits a roadblock. There’s way more than I can deal with, and I don’t know what I’ll do.”
At this point, what I’ve learned from experience, is that the first step in trying to help is to provide some validation of the person’s situation and feelings.
What you don’t want to say is, “No, you’ve got it all wrong.”
What you do want to say is, “Yes, I can see that there are problems and challenges that you have to deal with. Yes, there’s a lot on your plate and I can see that it’s stressing you because you want to do the right thing and take responsibility. I know you want to do a good job.”
Moving from the general idea of “deal with the anxiety first” to the specifics of how to go about it can be done in a lot of different ways, judging from what I’ve read and sessions I’ve attended over the years. But they all agree on the overall theme of going step by step. Something like the following.
- Let’s start with the anxiety and, first of all, accept that you’re not supposed to feel this way. Okay? Accept that, and we can move forward.
- Understand that worry and anxiety are standing in the way of your being able work rationally and methodically. It has taken away your ability to focus. Anxiety is not a normal result of your problems. Anxiety is the problem.
- Accept that dealing with the anxiety is Job One.
- Now here’s a tough one that we’ve all heard before: Resign your job as general manager of the universe. You are responsible for your part of the big picture. You are not responsible for every problem in the whole organization – or the whole world.
- Now let’s look at that daunting pile of issues on your desk. Start by making a list of all the things at work that you feel are hanging over you. Don’t be too fussy at this point, just write them all down in whatever order.
- Go through the list. At each item, ask yourself, Is this my problem? Am I supposed to deal with this? Is someone counting on me to get this done? If yes, transfer it, in whatever order, to a To Do list. If not, stroke it off the list.
- When you have a To Do list, with every big and little task and project and issue listed, start to prioritize. Not in order of importance, but in the order that they need to be done.
- Once you have a prioritized list, cut yourself a little slack and pick one or two that you think you can take care of today. That will make you feel that you’re making progress – because you are making progress.
- Get help with your tasks. Reach out to co-workers. Talk to your supervisor. Communicate. Remember that your challenges are team challenges and you’re not expected to solve all of them on your own.
- Take the tougher issues on you list one by one. Break each one down into a list of steps. Then work through the steps one at a time – with each step representing more progress.
Stick with the plan. Yes, you’ll have to revise and refine the list and the steps as you go along, and, yes, new items will come up as they always do, but stick to the plan. When you’re sticking to the plan, you’re heading in the right direction, and when you know you’re heading in the right direction, the stress and anxiety will be manageable.
Now, I do have to be clear that the work-related anxiety I’m talking about is the kind of thing that many or most of us may encounter at some point in our working lives. It’s very different from what may be called clinical anxiety, often associated with depression, which is a whole other issue, and which may require professional medical intervention.
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Recently, I had the pleasure of taking part in the 2023 Canadian Leadership Council on Drug Plan Partnerships. It brought together benefits plan advisors to examine the challenges facing Canadian private drug plans and explore ideas and solutions for plan sponsors. See the full report here.
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I really appreciate comments, ideas, suggestions or just observations about the blog or any other topics in benefits management. I always look forward to hearing from readers. If there’s anything you want to share, please email me at bill@penmorebenefits.com.
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